Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
