guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
