i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
