You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
