i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
