I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
