what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
