What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
