it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
