the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
