Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
