You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
