imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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