I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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