My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
