he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
