Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
