Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.

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(619): View more from California

I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.

(1-619): View more from California

You literally just made my flesh crawl.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

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(330): View more from Ohio

WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this

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(937): View more from Ohio

With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

These kind of text worry me.

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(807): View more from Ontario

You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.

(1-807): View more from Ontario

I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.

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