You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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