There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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