I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
