alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
