I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
