Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
