I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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