Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
