i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize