Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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