Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
