my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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