My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize