I just cut my nipple shaving
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
