dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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