You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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