i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
