Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize