Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
