he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
