the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
