I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
