listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
