please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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