Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
