Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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