I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
