so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
