I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
