Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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