OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
