She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can't special order awesome
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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