with your own penis?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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