My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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