god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
