She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
