she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
