I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
