Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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