God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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