I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
