He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
