the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its not stalking. its research.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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