It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
