Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
