I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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