Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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