Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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