yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
