Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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