just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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