How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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