You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
