If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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