Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
