apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
