dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
