i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
