hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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