i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
