Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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