thus making me awesome and them whores
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
