Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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