Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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