im about as happy as oj after his trial
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
