Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
