What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
