hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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