he shaved USA in his pubs
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sext me about skeletons
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