Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
