HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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