I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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