My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
