I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
