so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize