i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
