she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
