I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize