I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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