and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
