I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
