if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
