I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
