now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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