Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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