I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
