More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
