i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
