Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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