i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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