I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
