as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
