I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
