That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize