He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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