Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize