Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
